When you have a family member with late stage cancer, nerves can wear pretty thin.
Every time the phone rings you think it may be about them. Every time it doesn’t ring you think something happened.
And when your family member has stage 4 lung cancer after decades of smoking multiple packs of cigarettes, well: It’s really hard not to be mad at them or play the blame game.
And most of the time, I’m pretty good at this. The other day though I said something I regret. And I’m sorry about this. But here’s what happened:
I was on skype with mum and dad. They were talking about all the stuff he eats and dad said he ad to go and buy some supplies.
Talk came to potatoes and mum explained she wouldn’t buy the super market ones because they’re sprayed with some stuff that could give you cancer and that she’s always paying attention to this sort of thing.
I replied that coming from someone who smoked 2 packs a day for over 40 years, that was a bit rich.
Look, I know I’m in the wrong. But I’m also hurt that she pretends like giving a fuck where your potatoes come from when she didn’t give a fuck about her smoking and what impact this had.
She told me she was upset with me, that she, after all, has to live with the consequences of the mistakes she made.
But it isn’t just her, is it? We all have to deal with the consequences of this, we all have our lives on hold for the foreseeable future and we all suffer from her cancer, even if we don’t have it.
I just wish sometimes she had cared about the bloody smoking as much as she did about these potatoes.